Happy Father-less Day

So first of all, I'd like to say Happy Fathers Day to all the dad's who are doing their jobs as parents, and also to all the strong, single women. My dad was never there, I never really knew him. He cheated on my mom, he already had a wife and kids, he just left. He used her, broke her down, and took her soul. I guess that's what you get for dating a musician. My grandma says I'm the only good thing that came out of that relationship. I think she's right. Growing up without a dad vigorously affected me, yet silently; You would never look at that little girl and think she didn't have a father. My grandparents brought me up when my mom couldn't be there for me, and my grandpa was like a dad. I could have easily been a disgraceful, weak, scandalous whore without some sort of male figure, but I was raised better than that. My biological father is nothing but a worthless, cheap, piece of shit sperm doner. I never remembered him from when I was a baby, in 6th grade I met him all over again. It was the worst feeling, seeing that plastic smile, I didn't want to believe that I was his own flesh and blood. But I am your child. I am the result of you fucking a pretty young thing. There were a few times I would cry listening to my dad's music. Hearing his voice, it was very scratchy and rough, but still comforting playing along with the tune. I'd ask my grandma who he was, I'd question my own identity, WHO AM I? I'm just this mutt of a child with a fucked up life because YOU weren't in it. No one would noticed this kid was hurting, but I was SCREAMING for you, I WANT YOU TO SEE ME, I AM BROKEN. In grade school, when Fathers Day came around, the teacher would have these neat projects to make for dad. I was the only one in my 2nd grade class that didn't make one. I helped the teacher pass out supplies. Those paper hearts that say "I love you, Daddy", if I ever made one, mine would say "CHOKE ON IT, DADDY" My family says that once I'm older, I will want him to be a part of my life, I beg to differ. But this is only my 15 year old mind. Who knows what I'll want in a few years. Supposedly, I can't despise him forever. Maybe someday in the future I'll feel like I need him. I'd always imagine what I'd have to do when I walk down the isle. I'd want my grandpa, who'd done so much for me, to take that vacancy. While my mom was around, she did all she could to keep me happy, but Tony wasn't any help. I called my mom this morning to wish HER a Happy Fathers Day, because I can tell you one thing, for the time being, there was absolutely NO ONE in that house that had balls BUT my mom. She kept it together for as long as she could. My grandma, my grandpa and my mom replace that role. I don't need a dad. Because even though I look at some of my friends families and envy the love they have, I've gone all these years, I've accomplished so much, WITHOUT a dad. I'm going to be a successful, independent woman and you're going to look down on me and feel like the worthless shit you are for not watching me blossom into such a beautiful person. You missed out, too fucking bad.