The Cold Octorber Air.

In the cold October air..I waited for a many years, my nuisance rotting your everyday, i wonder if impunity walked my way,but doubts in my mind linger they do. I look in your eyes but only saw my sweet lies and i cry. I say to myself ill never be yours but dontcha fade away..Many days await for i have years to wait dontcha fade away,though i still have my heart to immaculate,any man nor lord can see in this cold October air i wait.

-Best friend Jean Luc Concepcion

Your life is controlled by guilt.

I had a brother once
He drowned in a bathtub before he'd ever learned how to talk
And I don't know what his name was
But my mother does
I heard her say it once
Padraic my prince I've all but died
From the sheer weight of my shame
You cried but no one came
And the water filled your ting lungs
Appeared, my dear, and cry for me
Six years ago today
I laid you in your grave
Your sweet young skin was shining then too
So, tonight to celebrate
I will poison myself
Another coughing, shaking fit in a bathroom
That is spinning
And I close the door
And I rest my head on the tiled floor
Sickness and sleep turning me cold
And I'm still not sure
Is there some better place I could be heading towards?
Where the selfishly sick and self absorbed; are welcome
I saw the future once
I was drunk in a phone booth
My eyes were wet and red
But I could not tell what was said
And through the screams of the traffic; voices carried
Saying, "I'm sorry"
On a day so gray it's black inside
Watching churches on on T.V
In a coma you don't dream
You just hope that someone sits with you
Babies turn blue when they're ignored
Like the sky on summer days
Before you turn and walk away
It has changed you
So tonight to compensate
I will poison myself
Another coughing, shaking fit in a bathroom
That is spinning

I wish you would.

When they call your name,
Will you walk right up,
With a smile on your face?
Will you cower in fear?
I wish you would.
Come pick me up.
Take me out.
Fuck me up.
Screw all my friends.
They're all full of shit.
When you're walking alone,
Do you wish I was there?
Do you wish it was me?

Not what you have.

I'm not what you have, baby, I'm what you had.
I didn't think you were capable of causing so much pain.
I just can't get enough, I love watching you fall apart.

Leave me alone.

Don't touch me, trust me, you disgust me.
Try to shove me in your daddy's money.
I'm better on my own, I have some things I have to do.
Get the hell away from me.
Turn me black and blue.
Don't push it, don't take it, your words don't mean shit.
Strung my heart like a puppet, you messed and played with it.
You can cut me but, baby, I won't bleed.
I'll show you how you turn my insides out.
No one will ever follow your lead.